Red Devil

Ireland is an island to the west of Britain, but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland – not the Irish mainland, the British mainland. The capital of Ireland is Dublin with a population of 1 million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry Saturday afternoons. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is part of GB but they pay for their shopping in euros.

Under the Irish constitution the North used to be in Ireland but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it now definitely is in the UK. Had the campaign lasted longer, the North might now have been in France. Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland with a population of half a million, half of whom have a house in Donegal, in the south.

There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the Dail, an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayer’s money. The parliament in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo or deliberately ineffective drug. Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. Protestants are in favour of the border which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics who are opposed to the border.

Travel between the two capitals is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world that has two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the south goes north to avoid the exorbitant price of drink.

There are two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result. If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. This has happened twice in recent years. Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many capitals of the world, especially Dublin.

Ireland has three economies: northern , southern, and black. Only the black economy is in the black, the other two are in the red. The North’s biggest industry is the production of IRAs, of which there are three: the Provisional, the Continuity, and the Real. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers as it is easiest to spell.

I trust this clarifies matters.

From an email received.

Ireland is also the only foreign country, not in the commonwealth, and before euro domination, that had free ‘right’ of entry into mainland UK. Their terrorists had free reign to come and go as they pleased. The Irish do not require a passport and many of their citizens live on the ‘mainland’ to earn benefits which they send home to Ireland. They comute seasonally, warmer weather in England, then winter back home in Ireland. They are allowed to fly their foreign flag and have right to celebrate St Patricks Day (who was not even Irish) everywhere they live, which is almost all over the USA and England. But England cannot celebrate their own saint’s day as it may offend the Irish – and most of the known world.

They held a referendum (or two) in the northern section of the ireland in the past to decide once and for all if the incumbents of northern Ireland, part of the UK, wished to move ‘south’. Both were overwhelmingly anti reunion with the south but apparently the only people who did not accept this were a small party known as Sein Fein, which was the terrorist mouthpiece. The vote was so high that only a majority of the catholic population could have voted No too. Just think of all those benefits they would have lost! You will also find that many Irish, with homes in the south, have ‘home addresses’ in the north too, so that they receive benefits from Westminster.

Unlike the PLO (Palestine Liberation Front) who bombed indiscriminately for the fun of it in the name of a homeland for the ‘misplaced arab’; the Irish factions, funded by the same Arabs and misguided idiot Yanks, told the world they wanted a united Ireland, but in reality, did not – as it meant an end to their fun also. It was mainly an organisation that played with guns, threatened their own kind, and again, bombed indiscriminately to provide something to do in between receiving their benefit in London and Birmingham and Belfast. They actually did not (almost) exist in 1969 but the arrival of soldiers to bolster a beleaguered police force in Belfast sparked off an ‘oh look, new targets’ and the organisation reinvented itself, almost over night.